I loved you first between the sheets...

The title is from a Regina Spektor song, "Samson." This song is mine and Tyrannosaur's. It soothes him, relaxes him, and has some lines that have meanings to us that are not remotely related to the meaning of the song.

But this line, oh, this line!

When my daughter was born, it was passionate adoration from the moment I laid eyes on her. She was my best friend, but even more, the moment she was born. She still is, in spite of being five and full of her own personality and individualism (and in spite of my having to scold her twenty times a day for not listening).

My son, however,well... I loved him before he was born, obviously. I wanted him and was anxious to hold him, see him, kiss him. But, really, I fell in love, the passionate, can't-breathe-without-you kind of love during those night nursings in his early days. Those times, it was just the two of us, and sometimes a cat, were the moments when I learned his face, his smell, the way his fat little cheeks tasted to kiss and snuggle.

And now, when he wakes at night, crying like he's moments away from starving to death, I love to pull him close and smell his warm little head, feel the tickle of his eyelashes on my face, taste his tears when I kiss him. I love the bliss in his relaxation as the milk hits his stomach. I love the way his hand knots in my pajamas or the sheets, trying to pull me closer when there is no closer. I love the way he sighs when he's done, and how he rolls over, making certain to keep at least one leg against me. Night nursings are my favorite, and I'm sad to see them tapering off (granted, the extra sleep is nice, though).

Nights, cuddled together in bed, keep building the closeness between us. The dinosaur and I understand each other. We're still one person, and, I hope, as he grows older and becomes his own mighty person, that our oneness will remain under his skin, in his heart - and mine.

Holy Carp, the Sacred Fish!

So wow! This has (obviously) been a rough week. Last week was surreal. This week, the shock is wearing off, the adjuster has been by and made his estimate, the loonies are knocking on the door, trying to con us into giving them money they don't deserve to do a job they won't complete, etc, etc.

The kids went back to school today. It was kinda cool to have them for a little extra time, but oh. my. word! My house is a pit after chasing them for a week! The baby cut his first tooth this week: Tyrannosaurus is living up to his Dino reputation. Poor guy hurts. He's tired. He's cranky. And the entire county knows about it...

And then, tonight I signed on, just to catch up before I get supper (leftover Chinese carryout, to be specific. Aren't I just the healthy one...). I clicked through my usual blogs and discover, much to my shock, delight and unending bliss, I won!

If you do not read this blog, The Black Breastfeeding Blog, get over there and read it. She is an excellent writer who brings up topics that all supporters of breastfeeding, children, and, indeed, women and their rights in this country and around the world, should know about and discuss. Go! Read! And not just because I won a wrap I've wanted for YEARS! :)

Ice

My yard, August 2007. Notice my gorgeous crepe myrtle.

My yard, yesterday afternoon. Notice my flat crepe myrtle.
The end of my driveway, September 2007. I love my Rose of Sharon bushes. They're COVERED in flowers every spring and summer.

The same view, yesterday evening. I can't find my Rose of Sharon bushes. One of them was gone yesterday morning. The other, if you look carefully, you can see is still partially standing.

My barn, October 2007. Unfortunately I don't have a good picture across my back yard. I call the lowest terrace of my back yard the Fairie Glen. There is a ring of immensly tall (especially for Oklahoma) trees surrounding the most beautiful, peaceful carpet of moss and clover. It's shaded and quiet, full of birdsong and the darting shadows of leaves.

Looking across my back yard to the barn yesterday, early evening. These trees are the guardians of the Fairie Glen. I cried when this picture was taken; I should have saved my tears for the view this morning...

The roof took a pounding - note the limbs over the front door.

Yesterday evening.
The carport took a huge beating. The beams were bowing from the weight of the branches and ice. There was a giant dent where the big tree (that squashed my Rose of Sharons) came down just out of the frame to the left. Notice the tree to the right of the car port. The branch in front is the Sword of Damocles. It drooped lower and lower, right over the line that carries power into the house. It never came all the way down, but it did try to pull out the cable.
The tree by the barn:
The power finally went for a short while, so here's a quick picture of a moment's peace.

And then we woke up this morning. .



Sorry these are so dark. I didn't have the heart to try to take any pictures until this evening. I am in shock. I am thankful that, when it came down, the dog got out from under the car port (he was there to avoid the falling limbs in his yard). I am thankful that no one in my family was hurt or killed, as several people were. I am very, very thankful that we only went without power for a few hours. I am thankful that we all came through this safely. I am also, however, heartbroken by the damage to my home and to the trees that I love so much. The carport and roof can be repaired. The broken window in the back can be easily fixed. Those trees, though, took years to grow into the beauties they were, and they'll never lose the scars from this horrible storm. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare.