Well, what do ya think?

The first pic, about 15 minutes after my appointment. Yes, I am every bit as high as I look. This time I remembered to take a pain pill BEFORE having any work done. Good thing, too. Not so much pain, and I really didn't notice what Uncle Dentist was doing to me. But, boy, did he give me some pretty toofers!

My hair wouldn't cooperate for pictures tonight. Oh well, ignore the hair. Check out those teeth!

They look a LOT like my teeth did after I got my braces off, only whiter and smoother and prettier. I am enchanted! I have had this weird tooth fetish for the last, oh, eight years or so. I stared at the mouth of anyone with nice teeth, feeling jealous and humiliated. I seem to still have that fascination, but now it's my own teeth I'm staring at. They're amazing, and I can't believe it's ME! I haven't smiled, like this, a real smile, in public for at least the last five years. I practiced in a mirror to learn to smile without showing my teeth. It always killed me, because, before all the dental problems, I ALWAYS had a smile on my face. I am starting to feel like ME again!

Okay, they're not really green. The only place I could get decent light and have a mirror to see where I was aiming the camera was in the bathroom where I just painted the walls a lovely bamboo-ish color. Good news: pretty bathroom. Bad news: not good for complexions or teeth.

I continue to be amazed by this. Unless you've been there, you can't imagine what ecstasy, what joy I feel right now. To get up yesterday morning feeling ugly, disgusting, scared and worn out with worry and, after about 15 short, not-too-horrible minutes, to walk out feeling like a real human being. To actually WANT people to look at me, at my teeth. How incredible!

I'm still not entirely certain how I feel about my dental nightmares for the past fourteen years. Sometimes I felt like I was living behind a one-way window, where everyone out there could see me, could judge me or be disgusted by me, but I could only see a reflection of myself with every flaw amplified at least ten times. There were people I knew didn't notice, because they were too busy looking past my teeth to see me. But I could never convince myself that they didn't SEE, because I saw it as if through their eyes. My entire opinion of myself was wrapped up in the condition of my ugly, horrible teeth.

When I was trying to lose weight after DC weaned, I had a hard time focusing on my health and overall fitness. It didn't matter to me that I was slimming down, getting healthy, feeling better. All I saw was that, no matter how thin I got, no matter how fit I became, I was still ugly because of those teeth. What man would ever want me with teeth like that? Who wants to kiss trailer-trash mouth? Even with so much evidence that pesimst loves me and adores me and thinks I am beautiful, good teeth, bad teeth or no teeth at all, I was always afraid he'd be turned off and turned away by my frightening teeth or fake smile. How healthy would I ever be, weight-be-damned, while I fought infection after infection in my mouth?

We still don't know exactly what caused all the problems. There are so many factors that play into it, and it could be one or all. The odd thing is that, although my teeth were SO BAD, the bone was and is still very healthy. That may (and probably will) change, now that I have all my top teeth out, but that is something I'm willing to deal with later.

I'm having a hard time coming to terms with myself with no teeth in. Tonight, while rinsing my plate after supper, I stared myself down in the mirror until, if not coming to peace, exactly, I at least began to accept that this is me. Yes, I do look like that. But, thanks to the marvel of modern materials and a highly-skilled denture sculptor, I don't HAVE to look like that. My mouth is no different than my eyes; without contacts or glasses, my eyes are worthless. Without my denture, my mouth is, well, it's just weird. But I have contacts and glasses to give me vision, and I have a denture to make my mouth normal.

Normal, something I never thought would sound so wonderful! Yes, I think my teeth are beautiful. Yes, I am thrilled beyond belief that they look so nice. Honestly, though, the part that I like the best, the part that has me grinning at everyone that walks past, is that I feel like they DON'T stand out. The carnival mirror is gone, and I am free to be just another smile in the crowd.