The Guilt Trips

I am suffering from a big old helping of Mother Guilt. First and foremost, I am feeling very down that I can't spend a week cleaning out the garage, another week preparing for a birthday party and ANOTHER week painting the Birthday Girl's bedroom (Can you believe it? DC turned SIX last Thursday!) and STILL KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN. I mean, let's be reasonable, Pix. You've worked your butt off and you're moping over a pile of laundry and a few dirty dishes? Really?

Yes. Really.

Somehow, I feel like I'm supposed to be Superwoman (thanks, Mom. She really DID believe I was supposed to be Superwoman. I was once grounded for leaving a penny on the coffee table... after having cleaned the whole damn house). No one around here helps much with housework. pesimst really sucks at housework, so, even when he tries to help, he's not. The kids are... well, the kids DO keep their rooms pretty well. That's how DC's room is getting it's fresh coats of bubblegum pink and grapalicious purple, plus pretty princesses and a castle on the wall.

Both kids had a deal with me to keep their rooms clean for a set amount of time, and then, because they had obviously learned to care about their rooms' appearance, I would paint them. The rooms, I mean. Not paint the children. Van didn't quite make it after three months, so he was given five months to work on it. Right now, as he has very few toys for screwing around so much with school work, you'd think it'd be pretty easy for his room to stay perfect. Not so much. He's on strike two, and he has until May...

The rest of my guilt comes from being a stay at home mom. "Momming" is all I accomplish in a day. I would like to get my business up and running, but I don't have time. I have thought about when I'd like to go back to school, but that's so far off that I can't see that far right now.

Sometimes I feel like I'm selling myself, and therefore my kids, short by not working. The main reason I stayed home in the beginning was that I couldn't afford to work. With no college degree and no decent work experience, I couldn't make enough to pay for childcare. So I stayed home. I'm glad I did: I do believe in staying home with babies, if it's at all possible. But now my last baby is nearly a year old, and I just don't know how I feel about working.

I want to be one of those women who has it all, but right now, I feel like a woman who only has all the laundry.

Where's the magazine for women like me?