I'm not supposed to write this post

Quite obviously, since the baby has woken up every single time I've sat down to write it today. Of course, he also didn't nap this afternoon, which is why I'm trying to write this now, when I'm supposed to be at my sister's theatrical-type function (sorry, that's all the detail I can give you. Yes, I know the rest of the details, but you only know if you know who my sister is). He hasn't napped today. He took a beautiful nap this morning before his daddy left. You know, when I still had help and had someone I could have given him to for the time it would take to fold that last load of freakin' laundry or maybe eat a sandwich. Since then, he's fallen asleep for about 5 minutes at a time, just long enough for me to be CERTAIN he's asleep so I can wander off to prepare food (I put it in the microwave for 2 minutes. It sat for about an hour before I remembered it). My face is literally bleeding from where he's clawed at me in his frustration. My eardrum hurts from having him scream in it for an hour.

I got him to nap at 5 (only two hours later than he usually does), and I decided to dye my hair very quickly so I'd be ready to leave here by 6:45 to make it into the city by 7:30. He woke up the moment I put the first swipe of dye on my hair. And screamed. The whole eight minutes it took me to coat my hair. Then I set him on the floor in front of my chair and patted him with my foot (hey, give me a break, I didn't want to hold him by the dye). I put him in his swing while I went to rinse the color. And he screamed the whole time. Again. But I wasn't left much of a choice.

When I picked him up after that, he just twisted and clawed at me for some time, until I got irritated and had to put him down. I offered him some banana (which he spent more time squishing into his fat rolls than eating) just to make him not scream. I tried about three different foods, wondering if he was hungry for something other than milk (and my supply is down thanks to hormones). No. He was not. Just ask my carpet.

I'm so tired right now just from having to wrestle him all night long that I could honestly lie down on the floor and go to sleep, even with the idiot dog climbing over me, the baby pulling my hair and the possibility of being peed on by a cat. Hey, the baby isn't screaming. He's not sleeping, but at least he's standing on his bed and not screaming. Oh. Wait. He's trying to eat the stuffing out of my comforter. Guess I should put a stop to that. So maybe you'll get the heartfelt, tender, loving post I was getting ready to write a little later on...